Hi. Long time no write, ja?

Well, since I last wrote the project at cornerstone has ended (26/10/2009). As a reminder, it was to investigate the impact of Scottish Vocational Qualifications (SVQ) on the quality of service delivered to the people they support. It was later expanded to include staff and management's perspectives due to the low number of supported persons that could effectively communicate their views.

I can't believe it has passed so quickly, but I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I felt totally down and ready to throw in the towel. My fingers haven't helped. For a few weeks, things were great, then I went through a spell, weeks on end where I just wished everything would come to an end and the pain would stop.

I'm reasonably happy with the final report, but absolutely kicking myself and in a real fury over the final presentation. It was a disaster. Although I'd practiced and planned for it, when it came to the day itself, it all just seemed to fall flat on its face and I found myself saying something completely different and far from the polished delivery, I'd intended. What was worse was I knew I was messing it up royally whilst I was speaking, but I couldn't seem to do anything about it. That's never happened to me before.

I suppose it's not all my fault though. The University have had an appalling lack of communication; I was given two sets of instructions for the presentation, with the last coming just as I walked in the door. Then, they seemed to totally disregard the poster I spent several days putting together, and still expected me to fit the salient points of 3 months of work into 10 minutes. After that, it completely went downhill when Lyn Batchelor, the course coordinator started attacking the methodology of the project and saying I must have asked the wrong questions to get the results I did, just because they disagree with what Cornerstone previously heard about the service they provide. Then she got all hung up about qualitative research methods, and completely disregarded the recommendations and conclusions I outlined in the presentation. Of course, I know it's important to ask the right questions, but is it my fault people told me what they did? And it's not as though I didn't revise the questions several times during the project, although I admit that only comes out in the reflective journal and I didn't do a good job of stressing this during the talk.

Sorry guys, I'm not trying to make a big deal out of this, but it was only when I came to look over the reflective journal and noted all the points against the University that have probably caused this project and my resulting mark to drop to rock bottom that I really started getting mad. I didn't realise this earlier, as it's just part of my nature to try and work through problems myself where I can. No doubt had I made a song and dance about this earlier and really pointed out the University's failings, something may have come of it.

For now, I've done the only thing I can. I've put all this into the reflective journal, and even though it's not marked, the feedback form for the project that the University asked me to complete - thank God I waited until after the presentation to submit it. I was originally only going to gently put forth my views, but my friend rightly told me I've little to lose now so it ended up being a lot harsher than it was originally - and yes, I do have the original version to hand. I've also said I'm ready to fight tooth and nail for my marks should they be unreasonable when they come out, and more importantly, if they can't give a reason to justify the mark. In addition, and following advice from many people, I've told Lyn I'm considering making a formal complaint but of course, I'm not going to specify the full extent of this until the appropriate time.

I've lost all confidence and trust I ever had in this course coordinator. A reliable source told me she's leaving for RGU in December, and I can only hope the student's there know what's in store for them when she arrives. Part of me thinks she's just lost interest in the whole course here seeing as she's not got long left here, and part of me is sorry she just doesn't seem to see how passionate her students are to really make a decent job of their work. One would think she would do everything in her power to help where she reasonably can, but clearly, that's not the case.

I'd like to end on a positive note as it's not fair to let the actions or lack of, of one-person ruin what has otherwise been a great experience. I loved 'working' (well, technically it's a consultancy) at Cornerstone and I think they have some really great people there. It's amazing to see the real passion and zest that flows through the place, and you get the same feeling of unrestrained resolve and love of their work from everyone you speak to. My particular thanks to the staff of the SVQ department for putting up with me for the last 80 days - (yes, I know I'm not the easiest to deal with) and I can only hope they get as much out of the report as I did working towards it. This is definitely something I'm going to have fond memories of for a long time, not to mention the skills I've learnt and the confidence I can feel in myself. I now know that I am indeed capable of working on a prolonged project when I put my mind to it, and visual disability aside, that I can fend for myself without the constant cushion of academic support. That has got to be the greatest gift I take away from my time at Cornerstone.